Love and Hate

What is the opposite of love?  Most would say “hate”, but I wonder if it isn’t “indifference”.  If someone hates you, at least you know that they are aware of and affected by your presence in their life.  You are not invisible or inconsequential.  In fact, hate is often caused by an absence of love which can lead a person to believe they don’t matter.  If you can’t get your partner to hug you, maybe you can be so irritating as to get them to hate you.  

How often have you tried this approach?  It certainly works well for kids, pets and horses.  They know that a slap is better than nothing at all.

But to be indifferent about another person means that you might just as well pass by a brick as take notice of another being in your space.  It is terrible to be on the other side of indifference no matter your species.

I have heard a lot of Buddhists and New Agers talk about striving to be “neutral”, “non-reactive” or “indifferent”.  They are “allowing” things to be what they are. This is a nicer place than negative reactivity but I wonder if this mindset could be also considered “numb” or “uncommitted”. 

Personally I think expressing one’s feelings or opinions is the greatest gift you can give another.  I sometimes wonder if having the guts to say “I love you” or on those awful occasions, “I hate you”,  is one of the bravest things a person can do. It means they care enough about themselves, and you, to bare their heart, soul and personality to consequences beyond their control:  your reaction.

Let me put it bluntly and to the point.  If you are making love to someone, what makes it fun?   How do you know when what you're doing is working? 

Emotion is energy in motion. 

Neutrality is nothing doing nothing about anything.

It is okay to emote.  It is the only way others can be aware of your presence and where you stand. 

Give it a try today- look for an opportunity to emote and to honor those who have the courage to stand fully in the face of their feelings and to share them with you.  Think about all the times you wished you had said something instead of standing quietly by, neutral and indifferent to your horse’s fear, your partner’s passion for you, or a stranger’s grief. 

If a smile can change the world… why do we hide our feelings from those we love and who love us?

Love is Love is Love

What is love? 

I’d say the only other question that leads to as much confusion, discussion and fights would be: What is Art?  Art is a matter of taste and most people would agree that art is in the eye of the maker or the beholder. But what about love? We toss the word around casually (I love that shirt!) while simultaneously saving it for the most important people in our lives (I love you).  We argue over whether a diamond ring means he loves her or whether talking late into the night means she loves him.  It is confusing for everyone and it is no wonder so many people misunderstand each other.  

Where would we be without the drama of love?

Love is a many splendored thing (thanks go to Han Suyin for inspiring the movie).

“How do you know you are loved?” can only be answered once you know what love is to you.

Just for fun I’ve listed all of the words I could find for the verb and noun “love” in Roget’s Super Thesaurus. My challenge to you is to play with these words.  Where is one more appropriate or apt than the other? What are the results of your word choices?

Become a connoisseur of “love”!

Love:  adore, be fond of, cherish, worship, hold dear, treasure, idolize, think the world of, like, be crazy about, long for, desire, passion for, crush upon, devoted, affectionate, esteem, befriend, close, intimate, regard highly, long for, rapture, enchanted, ardor, worship, respect, venerate, honor, deify, fervor, want, hunger, ache, lust, yearn, care for, fancy, admire, prize, foster, protect.

Love and Your Horse

Do you absolutely know without a shadow of a doubt that your horse loves you? 

I don’t mean loves you for feeding it or even loves you because you love it.  I mean is your horse head over heels, goofy crazy, and joyously in love with you?

Wouldn’t that be nice?

It is in fact really nice.  My horses melt when I touch them.  They lean into me and suck in my energy in like dry soil drinks up a long overdue rain.  And I feel exactly the same way about them. Not only that, but most of the horses I work with seem to do the same thing when they see me- even after weeks away from them.

How many of you have been told that being very affectionate and ‘touchy feely’ in that feminine way will ruin your horse?

How many of you have heard that a horse feels more secure when it knows its place and that its place is beneath and a few feet away from you?

Let me put it another way (this might ring a bell for some of the older crowd):

Is a woman truly much happier when she knows her place?

I’d love to get a vote on how many horse women (or men) would agree to this last statement!

Before I go much further I want you to ask yourself a very important question:

“How do I know that I am loved?”

Please share your answers here on the blog or on my Face Book page because I think it is really important that women start talking about how they give and receive love.  Men need to start talking about how they give and receive love.

Because folks, I don’t care what species we are talking about- love rules the herd, pack, relationship, world.

GO GIVE LOVE!

Tomorrow I will start you on the journey to receiving the love you deserve…

Why?

Most likely you don’t have a lot of money and can’t really see how a coach would be worth the money.  I completely understand.  I don’t have much money either.  But, what I do have is a coach.  Why?

Because swimming in my own misery wasn’t making me any richer. I’m poor but really, really loving my life.  And because I love my life, I KNOW that I will do what I want to do even if I never make a dime or become a success story.  I own my life.

I couldn’t do that without my coach.  

Maybe you aren’t miserable.  Maybe you are frustrated or overwhelmed or confused.  Maybe you are actually really happy today and life looks pretty great.  The thing is, that a coach isn’t like your brain or your moods.  A coach helps you keep on track even when you don’t feel like it or when you think it is all pointless effort.  A coach knows that you can do it even when you don’t.

The problem is that life is a subjective experience.  It is what we remember it to be and it becomes whatever we think or feel it can be in the moment.  Your spouse ALWAYS does that. You ALWAYS fall on your face just when things are going right. You are NEVER going to get a job.  

Working with me will enable you to keep an objective view of life and its ups and downs. I will make sure that you learn the skills, develop the habits and embrace a perspective that will enable you to OWN your life- no matter what is happening or how your plans turn out.

I can help you get control, manage your wealth, maintain good health and be in power. 

In other words, the money you invest into coaching will give you what you need to make more of your life.  You can be the person you already are: an awesome genius.

Give me a try.  At the very least you will have spent a half hour listening to yourself talk about your dreams.  Let’s make them actualities!

How Coaching Works

Coaching is really like talking with your best friend.  Only this best friend is the kind of person who absolutely believes that you are capable of being anything you want to be or doing anything you want to do.   

Sometimes I will be like a twelve step sponsor:  I will be there for you when you are feeling like you are heading down the wrong street and just need someone to snap you out of it or give you a sense of perspective.

Often I will be like Socrates who would never answer a question without asking another question.   This can be irritating, but trust me when I say that I only ask the question because I am confident that you already know the answers.

When necessary, I can put on a drill sergeant’s hat or a sport coach’s whistle and tell you turn of the TV and get moving!

I am different from many coaches and most therapists in that I am willing to let you be a part of my life and give you an opportunity to challenge me.  I believe that clients have as much to offer as I do and I am always amazed at the profound effect my clients have had on my life. 

I like to have my clients commit to at least three sessions at a time.  This ensures that you are given the best chance to make some changes in your life as soon as possible.  I have found that most clients have met some of their goals by the sixth session and are starting to self-coach.  Once we have reached that stage in our relationship, we will begin to build a future from a foundation of success and reward.  Life will just keep getting better!

Many of my previous coaches and clients are now good friends.  We continue to support and motivate each other throughout the continual ups and downs of life.

Open the door to a great future!  Learn to listen to your heart- not your critics.   Get a coach!

Not just for horse people

Horse people are great people, but they aren't the only ones I coach.  I also work with artists, jocks, farmers, business folks, unemployed, old, young, dogs, cats, cows etc.   About the only thing I won't come near is onions.  I really don't like onions.  Or peppers.  Okay, and dead fish. I like living fish of all sorts but I won't eat them whether they are alive or dead. 

If you have a life and want to talk about it or want some support in making it better- give me a buzz and let's play!

Founding Mothers

CORE Equestrian and Life Coaching developed out of my belief that the horse industry needs to return to a more feminine perspective. I was at an Equine Affair when one of the experts there actually said "women weren't raised the same way as men and so they need to learn to act like men in order to be good horsemen".  It was said by woman.  I was horrified!  I can't imagine anything more damaging to hear than the claim that the way women live, love and relate made them inferior in any way.   I decided then and there to work at healing the girl in all of us.  Love is egalitarian and irresistible not hierarchical and separating.  I hope to help horsewomen and horsemen realize that partnership means working together, listening to each other and giving all beings the right to be the way they are.

Welcome to CORE

Welcome to my blog!

Have you ever wondered if your love for horses (or art, or fast cars, or tulips) was just an expensive hobby or a reason to live?

Have you struggled with the strain your passion takes on your time, money, energy and it's effects on your family?

Are you feeling fear, anxiety, guilt, doubt or like maybe you are a little crazy for thinking your horse might actually be talking to you?

Do you believe that your horse doesn't really love you and that you need to be an alpha in order to get its respect?

Have you ever wanted your horse to love you more than anyone else in its life?

CORE Equestrian and Life Coaching can help you with these issues so that you can feel freer, enjoy your passions more and really connect with that 1000 pound animal that takes such good care of you.

I will help you learn to listen to your horse instead of whispering to it.  Because to a horse, whispering is still talking and as long as you are talking- you aren't listening!

Nobody knows your horse better than you- except your horse.

Let me help you feel how much your horse loves you and wants to perform for you.  Come learn how to work through love and equality, because love is irresistible and you don't need to act like a man to be a good horseperson.

Please email me for a free trial session and let's get to living your dream!