Irene

A few weeks ago I was sobbing on a friend’s couch over the difficulties I was having in my relationship.  Fifteen years of stressful circumstances, the consequences of too many bad choices and stupid comments, and the disappointment of hopes had led to the feeling that I was going to have to break up with my love… oh, and the girl upon whom I had placed the burden of being the recipient of my love. 

This is no ordinary love… I mean I LOVE her.  My feelings for her come from as near a place as that heart space as I can possibly imagine.  I am helpless in the face of it.  I feel this way about my horses, the land, a sunset on the ocean, beautiful music, a well written sentences, good chocolate and breathing after holding my breath for too long.

Honestly, stopping loving her just can’t be done.

The problem is that she doesn’t necessarily feel this way about me anymore.  She Loves Me which is better than loving me but this isn’t anywhere near LOVING ME.  Can you say “ouch” my friends?  Been there?

My friend sat patiently as I snottily emoted and eloquently expressed my despair.  Then in her usual quiet and unobtrusive way she cut right to the core of it and said,

“I hear a lot of ‘we’ and ‘her’ when you talk.  I think you need to spend more time in the ‘I’”

I am always amazed at how a well placed cauterizing statement can dry up a really good cry.   

She was right… I was all about her and us.

Flash forward one week to the day of the worst hurricane to hit the East Coast in over a century.  Houses are floating down small roads in the Catskills, over 5 million people are without power, 15 die in Connecticut, small towns in Vermont are left stranded and hundreds of thousands of people are left with destroyed property, no flood insurance and Winter only 3 months away.

And what about Renee?

The odd thing is that the eye of the storm slipped gently over my land.  There was a lot of rain (the storm filled one of our water tanks that holds 40 gallons) and a few hours of wind, but for the most part I spent the day in a world so still that I could hear the chickens clucking down at the farm, a quarter of a mile away. 

I, Renee indeed!

And by the way, thanks go out to super coach Jill Koch for putting me back into my “I”