Ripleigh Go Bragh

Ripleigh Go Bragh
Connemara stallion Ripleigh Go Bragh

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Me and You

Me + You = Us

So simple and elegant an equation as this ought to make everything in relationships as equally elegant and simple.  But nope, what usually happens is something more like this:

F(us)  = Me > < You

As in, Us is a function of more me and less you, or vice versa.

These equations work for all species interactions as well as with our own psychologies (as in all those voices in your head that say "you should ..."  or "I am..." You know- the ones you argue with while driving or eating that cookie instead of working out?)

My life has been largely focused on the Us and the You in my relationships.  I've just assumed that the Me in the equation was a constant given.  There are people who focus on the Me and assume that this means Us because the You is not their concern.   This has caused a lot of problems because really the quality of Us will always be affected by the amount of Me and of You in the relationship.

I have come to the conclusion that my perfect relationship would be something like this:

50Me + 50You = 100Us

Naturally this is not possible at all times, but I figure that this is a reasonable goal.

What would you get if you were take these equations and apply them to whatever is important in your life?

For example, when you ride your horse- do you want it to be 1%Horse + 99%You = 100%Us?  This would make for a horse that fits you perfectly but leaves little room for the horse to express itself.  A good robot ride that is mostly dependent upon you.  Do you want that kind of responsibility (aka control)? Can you be that on and perfect all of the time?

Reverse the equation and you have a runaway horse with an out of control passenger.

I prefer to have a horse that is capable of thinking about itself and me at the same time.  I want to work with one that makes decisions that benefit us both and one which trusts me to take it into consideration as often as possible.

This means that I have to allow my horse to be an independent being with whom I work in equal partnership that works for both our benefits.

Sometimes the equation will skew in favor of one or the other.

For example, when it comes to galloping across country- I expect my horse to carry the bulk of the burden because it is his feet that are on the ground, but at the same time it is my brain that is doing the directing:  75Horse + 25Me = 100 US

But in a parking lot full of other horses and cars, I would want my horse to be mostly about me while at the same time I expect it to keep an eye on the environment (after all they have better hearing, eye sight, intuition etc.): 75Me + 25Horse = 100Us.

The important thing about thinking this way is that it reminds one to think about oneself AND the other person.  It is a great way to check in with oneself to see what needs to change or stay the same in order to get to where you want to go.

The catch is though- that until all parties in the equation are in agreement as to what constitutes 100Us, it will always end up in a squabble of F(us)  = Me > < You.

 Where are you in your life today?

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