Sometimes enough is enough. It is time to accept the facts, put on your walking boots and head on out the door.
After several months of struggling with myself and arguing with everyone about the value of staying with Denise, I have come to a final decision.
I'm staying.
Here's why: because ending it and the fallout of ending it makes me feel like I am quitting on my Soul. It would mean that everything I have believed in, worked for, suffered for and fought for was wrong. I had a "feeling" about her, the farm, horses, writing, life etc. for as long as I can remember. The feeling was "being right" and breaking up felt like "being wrong".
So why am I calling it Quits?
I have decided to QUIT doubting my Soul.
Hey, if I talk about "all is good" then maybe I ought to practice it a little bit more thoroughly. If all is really good, then Denise must be too.
Personally I suspect my Soul is a little nuts, but then what do I know about souls? It was right about my horses and this land, maybe it is right about everything else.
My Soul whispers to me that if I spend time with my horses I will make money; if I spend my time writing and reading- not business building- then I will get clients; if I accept Denise with all her faults I will get the loving I crave. It tells me to do the opposite of what makes sense, of what is practical and is contrary to all I know.
And guess what, suddenly my girlfriend is starting to look suspiciously like a girlfriend I've always wanted.
Here's my challenge for the week: Quit. Give it up. Let it go. Move on. Drop it. Let it Be.
What if everything in your life really were exactly as it should be? What then would you have to worry about? And if you have nothing to worry about.... what will you do with all that time and energy?
Ripleigh Go Bragh
Connemara stallion Ripleigh Go Bragh
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Monday, October 31, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Me and You
Me + You = Us
So simple and elegant an equation as this ought to make everything in relationships as equally elegant and simple. But nope, what usually happens is something more like this:
F(us) = Me > < You
As in, Us is a function of more me and less you, or vice versa.
These equations work for all species interactions as well as with our own psychologies (as in all those voices in your head that say "you should ..." or "I am..." You know- the ones you argue with while driving or eating that cookie instead of working out?)
My life has been largely focused on the Us and the You in my relationships. I've just assumed that the Me in the equation was a constant given. There are people who focus on the Me and assume that this means Us because the You is not their concern. This has caused a lot of problems because really the quality of Us will always be affected by the amount of Me and of You in the relationship.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect relationship would be something like this:
50Me + 50You = 100Us
Naturally this is not possible at all times, but I figure that this is a reasonable goal.
What would you get if you were take these equations and apply them to whatever is important in your life?
For example, when you ride your horse- do you want it to be 1%Horse + 99%You = 100%Us? This would make for a horse that fits you perfectly but leaves little room for the horse to express itself. A good robot ride that is mostly dependent upon you. Do you want that kind of responsibility (aka control)? Can you be that on and perfect all of the time?
Reverse the equation and you have a runaway horse with an out of control passenger.
I prefer to have a horse that is capable of thinking about itself and me at the same time. I want to work with one that makes decisions that benefit us both and one which trusts me to take it into consideration as often as possible.
This means that I have to allow my horse to be an independent being with whom I work in equal partnership that works for both our benefits.
Sometimes the equation will skew in favor of one or the other.
For example, when it comes to galloping across country- I expect my horse to carry the bulk of the burden because it is his feet that are on the ground, but at the same time it is my brain that is doing the directing: 75Horse + 25Me = 100 US
But in a parking lot full of other horses and cars, I would want my horse to be mostly about me while at the same time I expect it to keep an eye on the environment (after all they have better hearing, eye sight, intuition etc.): 75Me + 25Horse = 100Us.
The important thing about thinking this way is that it reminds one to think about oneself AND the other person. It is a great way to check in with oneself to see what needs to change or stay the same in order to get to where you want to go.
The catch is though- that until all parties in the equation are in agreement as to what constitutes 100Us, it will always end up in a squabble of F(us) = Me > < You.
Where are you in your life today?
So simple and elegant an equation as this ought to make everything in relationships as equally elegant and simple. But nope, what usually happens is something more like this:
F(us) = Me > < You
As in, Us is a function of more me and less you, or vice versa.
These equations work for all species interactions as well as with our own psychologies (as in all those voices in your head that say "you should ..." or "I am..." You know- the ones you argue with while driving or eating that cookie instead of working out?)
My life has been largely focused on the Us and the You in my relationships. I've just assumed that the Me in the equation was a constant given. There are people who focus on the Me and assume that this means Us because the You is not their concern. This has caused a lot of problems because really the quality of Us will always be affected by the amount of Me and of You in the relationship.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect relationship would be something like this:
50Me + 50You = 100Us
Naturally this is not possible at all times, but I figure that this is a reasonable goal.
What would you get if you were take these equations and apply them to whatever is important in your life?
For example, when you ride your horse- do you want it to be 1%Horse + 99%You = 100%Us? This would make for a horse that fits you perfectly but leaves little room for the horse to express itself. A good robot ride that is mostly dependent upon you. Do you want that kind of responsibility (aka control)? Can you be that on and perfect all of the time?
Reverse the equation and you have a runaway horse with an out of control passenger.
I prefer to have a horse that is capable of thinking about itself and me at the same time. I want to work with one that makes decisions that benefit us both and one which trusts me to take it into consideration as often as possible.
This means that I have to allow my horse to be an independent being with whom I work in equal partnership that works for both our benefits.
Sometimes the equation will skew in favor of one or the other.
For example, when it comes to galloping across country- I expect my horse to carry the bulk of the burden because it is his feet that are on the ground, but at the same time it is my brain that is doing the directing: 75Horse + 25Me = 100 US
But in a parking lot full of other horses and cars, I would want my horse to be mostly about me while at the same time I expect it to keep an eye on the environment (after all they have better hearing, eye sight, intuition etc.): 75Me + 25Horse = 100Us.
The important thing about thinking this way is that it reminds one to think about oneself AND the other person. It is a great way to check in with oneself to see what needs to change or stay the same in order to get to where you want to go.
The catch is though- that until all parties in the equation are in agreement as to what constitutes 100Us, it will always end up in a squabble of F(us) = Me > < You.
Where are you in your life today?
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