I've decided to assume the following:
1. My girlfriend is passionately in love with me. She loves sharing my life with me, likes it when I share hers and together we have a lot of really fun and exciting projects. She is not shy about telling me all the good stuff and she is sweet and understanding when she lets me know I've messed up.
2. I make more than enough money doing all of the things I love to do.
3. I can fully relax and receive all the wealth, health, friends, fun and good food I want whenever I choose.
4. Everything really is good (as compared to good in the "but, oh look how much it made me grow" kind of way) and so let's start from there.
5. I am a luscious, yummy, inspiring, touchable, warm, joy to be around.
As far as I am concerned, my whole life experience feels as yummy as it feels when I am with my horses.
So says I!
Ripleigh Go Bragh
Connemara stallion Ripleigh Go Bragh
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Unknowns
If dreams are a thread that lead us through the crap, what if there is crap on the other side of the needle as well?
Which is worse? The unknown or the known bad from the past?
Whenever I decided to move forward, I invariably manifest some "old crap", largely in the arena of relationship. After all, it is much easier to lay the blame on "her" (or "him) than to admit to doing something so obviously stupid as messing up my own life.
I have asked my manifesting self to do me a big favor. The next time I start worrying about the unknown future... please make me recreate some past WONDERFUL moment rather than having to go through the same old crap one more time!
Now I just have to try to remember as vividly all the great things in my past as I do the horrible moments.
Why is happiness so much less memorable than the yucky bits? I understand the physiology of survival, but really- can't we be pulled forward by the surety of good times just as easily as we are pushed forward by the avoidance of the miserable times?
Which is worse? The unknown or the known bad from the past?
Whenever I decided to move forward, I invariably manifest some "old crap", largely in the arena of relationship. After all, it is much easier to lay the blame on "her" (or "him) than to admit to doing something so obviously stupid as messing up my own life.
I have asked my manifesting self to do me a big favor. The next time I start worrying about the unknown future... please make me recreate some past WONDERFUL moment rather than having to go through the same old crap one more time!
Now I just have to try to remember as vividly all the great things in my past as I do the horrible moments.
Why is happiness so much less memorable than the yucky bits? I understand the physiology of survival, but really- can't we be pulled forward by the surety of good times just as easily as we are pushed forward by the avoidance of the miserable times?
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Faith in the Space
I recently had some weird heart issues- of the physiological kind. I have a right bundle blockage which means that the left and right ventricles are not in sync. Combine it with a wicked chest cold and you get heart palpitations and shortness of breath of a scary sort.
My relationship, my writing career, my income, my farm, my exercise program, my horses' training- nothing's lining up with where I think I ought to be.
It makes me wonder which came first. My life being out of alignment or my heart beating whacky?
When I had my first heart palpitation this last week, it made me so weak I couldn't stand for long and it caused me to be out of breath for fifteen minutes. All I could do was think "oh please beat, don't stop, just keep beating." It didn't hurt, but it was very, very real.
In that fifteen minutes I realized all I ever needed to know about faith. Faith is the space between heartbeats. We all assume the next beat will come and so we run through life chasing our beliefs with confidence in the eternal nature of our heart. It rarely lets us down!
When we get afraid, our hearts beat hard, almost as if it were cheering us on from the sidelines. "I'm still here!!" The beating of our hearts lets us know when we are in love and comforts us when we are sad. It is something you feel in the night when you hold your lover tight. It's all about the beat, man!
But when my heart seemed to stop, I realized that the beat is merely the reward for surviving the dark before the dawn. It's the prize for not quitting before the miracle. The real moment of truth, the absolute test of faith, lies in the space between beats. Take some time and feel when you heart isn't beating.
Quiet in there isn't it?
It's when there is no hope that faith carries us to the glory.
Times are tough. It looks bad, really bad. But here's my challenge:
What if this is just the space between heartbeats?
Focus on your faith, whatever form that takes. See your dreams like a thread that you are trying to poke through the eye of a tiny needle, in the dark, on a bumpy road, with screaming kids. Ignore it, focus on the thread and the eye of the needle.
Have faith, the miracle is waiting on the other side.
My relationship, my writing career, my income, my farm, my exercise program, my horses' training- nothing's lining up with where I think I ought to be.
It makes me wonder which came first. My life being out of alignment or my heart beating whacky?
When I had my first heart palpitation this last week, it made me so weak I couldn't stand for long and it caused me to be out of breath for fifteen minutes. All I could do was think "oh please beat, don't stop, just keep beating." It didn't hurt, but it was very, very real.
In that fifteen minutes I realized all I ever needed to know about faith. Faith is the space between heartbeats. We all assume the next beat will come and so we run through life chasing our beliefs with confidence in the eternal nature of our heart. It rarely lets us down!
When we get afraid, our hearts beat hard, almost as if it were cheering us on from the sidelines. "I'm still here!!" The beating of our hearts lets us know when we are in love and comforts us when we are sad. It is something you feel in the night when you hold your lover tight. It's all about the beat, man!
But when my heart seemed to stop, I realized that the beat is merely the reward for surviving the dark before the dawn. It's the prize for not quitting before the miracle. The real moment of truth, the absolute test of faith, lies in the space between beats. Take some time and feel when you heart isn't beating.
Quiet in there isn't it?
It's when there is no hope that faith carries us to the glory.
Times are tough. It looks bad, really bad. But here's my challenge:
What if this is just the space between heartbeats?
Focus on your faith, whatever form that takes. See your dreams like a thread that you are trying to poke through the eye of a tiny needle, in the dark, on a bumpy road, with screaming kids. Ignore it, focus on the thread and the eye of the needle.
Have faith, the miracle is waiting on the other side.
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