Finding Love Quietly

Most of us are really good at giving.  Some of us are really good at receiving.   We all secretly think we are really pretty simple to be with and that everyone else is a lot of work.   We’ve all heard the “you have to love yourself first” and the “give up and it will come” crap of the self-help gurus.  And even though we know better, I can guarantee that there isn’t a soul on the face of this Earth who doesn’t believe that the romance played out on the big screen is impossible.   We all want it.  We all want in on that mysterious thing called love.

Here’s the secret- no it isn’t out there in the Universe waiting for you to learn how to ask for the cookie correctly (see my Barnyard Philosophy page for more on that):

If you really want to be loved, all you have to do is shut up about it. 

Seriously… stop yapping.  Quit the agonistic poetry.  Turn off the TV.  Put down the book.  Leave your poor lover alone.  Stop reciting affirmations.  No crying allowed.

Just SHUT UP!

 
Do this for a few days.

We'll talk about it then.

Passion

What is passion?

Bag that, what does passion feel like to you?

Most of my life, passion felt like yearning, desire, want, need, must have.  It was a craving in need of satisfaction, recognition, action, reception.  HUNGER.

This morning as I was happily working on one of the five novels I am writing, I realized that I've really got it all wrong.  Passion isn't about pursuing some holy grail (girl).  It has nothing to do with the feelings of falling in love.  Passion is about having what you really, really want RIGHT NOW so that you can roll in it at will.  To be passionate means that you come from a place of completeness not of emptiness. It is enough in search of more. 

Passion isn't about lack fulfilled.  Passion is only available in abundance.

Love what you have.  And then love it some more.

Doubting Tics

Doubt has a tendency to surprise us. 

You could have had a great weekend with your partner and by Monday morning you think, "has he always taken up this much space in the bed?"  or "why does she have to talk so damn much!"  By the end of the day you wonder what the hell you are doing with them.

Perhaps you have just spent a great half hour snuggling and grooming your horse only to discover in your lesson that no matter what you do, the bugger just won't pick up the left lead.  What was once a match made in heaven has become one of the most irritating aspects of your day.  What happened?

Not a single thing.

In fact. there were little signals along the way letting you know that perfection was on its way out the door.  It was there in the little niggling voice in the back of your mind or the slight irritation that made you clench your jaw.  Maybe something they did that made you tuck your chin or furrow your eyebrows.  Generally there is a feeling of hurt or anger followed by a tendency to think the other is being insensitive to you.  

Before you know it, you are in a fight, depressed or feeling like nothing is ever going to go right again.  . And without a doubt in your mind, you know that the jerk is a real asshole.  Things feel out of control and you are going to do whatever it takes to get it back under YOUR control.

What would happen if you took notice of all those little physical clues that pull you out of your fantasies? 

I find that I become more present when I pay attention to the clues that let me know I am in doubt.  I find that I am in a position to choose or self-direct rather than react. And more importantly, I am more willing to reach an understanding with my partner because I see an "error" in the moment instead of a "fault" in the other.  

It's like catching a dropped stitch.  You can deal with it as you go along or end up with a crappy sweater.

The best way I can describe it is that something inside me is saying "Um. Wait a minute, that was funky. We had better stop and check it out."

Usually there is a boundary issue being crossed or an assumption has been made.  Once I am clear on what is bothering me about the situation, I can immediately clear up the misunderstanding and ask for what I need in a non-emotional way.  If I wait until I am pissed or hurt, I am sure to cause a ruckus and destroy trust.


How does your body let you know when something is "funky"?

What can you do differently in that moment to keep things great for both you and your partner/horse?

I am hoping you will find that you fight a lot less and that it is easier to get what you want out of life. 

And as an added bonus you will suddenly be LISTENING with your whole being instead of just with your mind. 

Stay tuned for more on "listening"...