Calling it Quits

Sometimes enough is enough.  It is time to accept the facts, put on your walking boots and head on out the door.

After several months of struggling with myself and arguing with everyone about the value of staying with Denise, I have come to a final decision.

I'm staying.

Here's why:  because ending it and the fallout of ending it makes me feel like I am quitting on my Soul.  It would mean that everything I have believed in, worked for, suffered for and fought for was wrong.  I had a "feeling" about her, the farm, horses, writing, life etc. for as long as I can remember.  The feeling was "being right" and breaking up felt like "being wrong".

So why am I calling it Quits?

I have decided to QUIT doubting my Soul.

Hey, if I talk about "all is good" then maybe I ought to practice it a little bit more thoroughly.  If all is really good, then Denise must be too.

Personally I suspect my Soul is a little nuts, but then what do I know about souls? It was right about my horses and this land, maybe it is right about everything else.

My Soul whispers to me that if I spend time with my horses I will make money; if I spend my time writing and reading- not business building- then I will get clients; if I accept Denise with all her faults I will get the loving I crave.  It tells me to do the opposite of what makes sense, of what is practical and is contrary to all I know.

And guess what, suddenly my girlfriend is starting to look suspiciously like a girlfriend I've always wanted.

Here's my challenge for the week:  Quit.  Give it up.  Let it go.  Move on.  Drop it.  Let it Be.

What if everything in your life really were exactly as it should be?  What then would you have to worry about? And if you have nothing to worry about.... what will you do with all that time and energy?

Oreo

Enough about me.  Let’s talk about you.

You have the glory of the beginning and the sorrow of the end.

What’s the filling in your relationship?

Fifteen

Why is it so much easier to write about relationships when they are starting or ending?  Is there no in between?

Fifteen years.  That’s a lot of time to experience a whole lot of good and bad with another person.  It is the whole life of the average dog or cat or cow.  It’s three years longer than the amount of time FDR was president.  It’s one year shy of the amount of time you have spent going from first grade to your junior year in college.  It is one third of my life.

What is in between starting and ending?

I think we ignore the bulk of this time unless we are fighting. During a fight we can bring up all the minute incidences when our partners really screwed up.  And of course the good stuff helps us stick through the bad times.  But then there is the really boring shit.  Laundry, brushing teeth while discussing the next day’s schedule, sitting on opposite sides of the house staring into a computer screen, and all that other roommate-type stuff that fills the bulk of our time together.  Nothing romantic there.  In fact it is pretty nice to be able to do that with someone and in many ways this can keep a relationship “alive” for much longer than it should.

How does one know when it is a roommate thing vs. a love thing?

For me it boils down to touch. 

I don’t mean sex because one can have sex with someone and still be roommates.  I mean all those little extra brushes of fingers, kisses on the neck, holding of hands, looking into each others eyes, bringing a gift because you were thinking about them and wishing they were with you.  These are the “little” things that we forget when we fight.  These are the little things that mean that we are more than "just friends" when we are getting together.  These are the little things that slowly disappear and let you know when it is really over.

Touch matters.

Funny, I never noticed the word "ouch" in there.