Ripleigh Go Bragh
Connemara stallion Ripleigh Go Bragh
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Overwhelm
Does overwhelm bring out the control freak in you?
Lord, does it bring out the control BITCH in me! I could write pages and pages about why it does it, what I do to deal with it and most of all I can make lists and schedules. But, I suspect that my writing pages and pages is in fact a sign of overwhelm. It is as if all those words will lead me out of the town called Overwhelm and into the State of Bliss.
Language has such clear structure and orderliness to it. Writing gives me such great sense of power over my mind and better yet, it means that I can lay on the couch, feeling important, while nothing else gets done.
Action can help overwhelm but mostly it just leads to more confusion and indecision. Which do I do first? Gosh, maybe I'd better sit down and write a list to sort out my priorities. Pick one? Okay, but what about those twenty other balls I've got tossed into the air?
The trick is to think of overwhelm as distraction from the thread I mentioned a few posts back. But for those of you who are too overwhelmed to add looking for that post to their list, here's my idea once again.
Your heart has been whispering to you since you were a baby. Basically, our heart's desire is a really crappy communicator. Most of the time it is too quiet to hear, other times it is screaming at you so loudly that all you can do is shut it out. The rest of the time it just sits there resisting all your attempts to do anything other than obey it's indistinct, difficult to achieve and seemingly illogical demands. Still, our hearts beat for one thing only and that one thing is to achieve your heart's desire.
I think of my heart's desire as a thread and the actuality of it as the eye of a needle. If I can get that thread through the needle, I will be living my heart's desire and it will be very fine indeed.
The problem is that I am trying to thread this needle in the dark, with a lot of noisy, bumping, irritating things that keep getting in the way (my bad habits). Not only that, but my hands are shaky, the thread keeps sticking to my callouses and worst of all my body is cramping up from the effort.
Now add people, animals, bills, dishes, etc. to the mix and you have what I call a challenging situation in which to thread a needle. A.K.A. Overwhelm.
The only way to thread a needle under these conditions is to keep your focus on the thread, your hand and the eye of the needle- not the other side of it, the front of it. It requires a combination of soft and hard focus. Sticking out your tongue and shutting one eye also helps. Breathe, believe, and most of all go slow- especially when that tiny end sticks out on the other side for you to grab.
In short, when overwhelmed you must concentrate on the really, really important thing in your life: your heart's desire.
If it's hard to hear try just sitting still and listen to its beating. Then do exactly what it tells you. You'll know it's the real thing because it will almost always start with the phrase, "trust me".
Good luck!
Lord, does it bring out the control BITCH in me! I could write pages and pages about why it does it, what I do to deal with it and most of all I can make lists and schedules. But, I suspect that my writing pages and pages is in fact a sign of overwhelm. It is as if all those words will lead me out of the town called Overwhelm and into the State of Bliss.
Language has such clear structure and orderliness to it. Writing gives me such great sense of power over my mind and better yet, it means that I can lay on the couch, feeling important, while nothing else gets done.
Action can help overwhelm but mostly it just leads to more confusion and indecision. Which do I do first? Gosh, maybe I'd better sit down and write a list to sort out my priorities. Pick one? Okay, but what about those twenty other balls I've got tossed into the air?
The trick is to think of overwhelm as distraction from the thread I mentioned a few posts back. But for those of you who are too overwhelmed to add looking for that post to their list, here's my idea once again.
Your heart has been whispering to you since you were a baby. Basically, our heart's desire is a really crappy communicator. Most of the time it is too quiet to hear, other times it is screaming at you so loudly that all you can do is shut it out. The rest of the time it just sits there resisting all your attempts to do anything other than obey it's indistinct, difficult to achieve and seemingly illogical demands. Still, our hearts beat for one thing only and that one thing is to achieve your heart's desire.
I think of my heart's desire as a thread and the actuality of it as the eye of a needle. If I can get that thread through the needle, I will be living my heart's desire and it will be very fine indeed.
The problem is that I am trying to thread this needle in the dark, with a lot of noisy, bumping, irritating things that keep getting in the way (my bad habits). Not only that, but my hands are shaky, the thread keeps sticking to my callouses and worst of all my body is cramping up from the effort.
Now add people, animals, bills, dishes, etc. to the mix and you have what I call a challenging situation in which to thread a needle. A.K.A. Overwhelm.
The only way to thread a needle under these conditions is to keep your focus on the thread, your hand and the eye of the needle- not the other side of it, the front of it. It requires a combination of soft and hard focus. Sticking out your tongue and shutting one eye also helps. Breathe, believe, and most of all go slow- especially when that tiny end sticks out on the other side for you to grab.
In short, when overwhelmed you must concentrate on the really, really important thing in your life: your heart's desire.
If it's hard to hear try just sitting still and listen to its beating. Then do exactly what it tells you. You'll know it's the real thing because it will almost always start with the phrase, "trust me".
Good luck!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Me and You
Me + You = Us
So simple and elegant an equation as this ought to make everything in relationships as equally elegant and simple. But nope, what usually happens is something more like this:
F(us) = Me > < You
As in, Us is a function of more me and less you, or vice versa.
These equations work for all species interactions as well as with our own psychologies (as in all those voices in your head that say "you should ..." or "I am..." You know- the ones you argue with while driving or eating that cookie instead of working out?)
My life has been largely focused on the Us and the You in my relationships. I've just assumed that the Me in the equation was a constant given. There are people who focus on the Me and assume that this means Us because the You is not their concern. This has caused a lot of problems because really the quality of Us will always be affected by the amount of Me and of You in the relationship.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect relationship would be something like this:
50Me + 50You = 100Us
Naturally this is not possible at all times, but I figure that this is a reasonable goal.
What would you get if you were take these equations and apply them to whatever is important in your life?
For example, when you ride your horse- do you want it to be 1%Horse + 99%You = 100%Us? This would make for a horse that fits you perfectly but leaves little room for the horse to express itself. A good robot ride that is mostly dependent upon you. Do you want that kind of responsibility (aka control)? Can you be that on and perfect all of the time?
Reverse the equation and you have a runaway horse with an out of control passenger.
I prefer to have a horse that is capable of thinking about itself and me at the same time. I want to work with one that makes decisions that benefit us both and one which trusts me to take it into consideration as often as possible.
This means that I have to allow my horse to be an independent being with whom I work in equal partnership that works for both our benefits.
Sometimes the equation will skew in favor of one or the other.
For example, when it comes to galloping across country- I expect my horse to carry the bulk of the burden because it is his feet that are on the ground, but at the same time it is my brain that is doing the directing: 75Horse + 25Me = 100 US
But in a parking lot full of other horses and cars, I would want my horse to be mostly about me while at the same time I expect it to keep an eye on the environment (after all they have better hearing, eye sight, intuition etc.): 75Me + 25Horse = 100Us.
The important thing about thinking this way is that it reminds one to think about oneself AND the other person. It is a great way to check in with oneself to see what needs to change or stay the same in order to get to where you want to go.
The catch is though- that until all parties in the equation are in agreement as to what constitutes 100Us, it will always end up in a squabble of F(us) = Me > < You.
Where are you in your life today?
So simple and elegant an equation as this ought to make everything in relationships as equally elegant and simple. But nope, what usually happens is something more like this:
F(us) = Me > < You
As in, Us is a function of more me and less you, or vice versa.
These equations work for all species interactions as well as with our own psychologies (as in all those voices in your head that say "you should ..." or "I am..." You know- the ones you argue with while driving or eating that cookie instead of working out?)
My life has been largely focused on the Us and the You in my relationships. I've just assumed that the Me in the equation was a constant given. There are people who focus on the Me and assume that this means Us because the You is not their concern. This has caused a lot of problems because really the quality of Us will always be affected by the amount of Me and of You in the relationship.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect relationship would be something like this:
50Me + 50You = 100Us
Naturally this is not possible at all times, but I figure that this is a reasonable goal.
What would you get if you were take these equations and apply them to whatever is important in your life?
For example, when you ride your horse- do you want it to be 1%Horse + 99%You = 100%Us? This would make for a horse that fits you perfectly but leaves little room for the horse to express itself. A good robot ride that is mostly dependent upon you. Do you want that kind of responsibility (aka control)? Can you be that on and perfect all of the time?
Reverse the equation and you have a runaway horse with an out of control passenger.
I prefer to have a horse that is capable of thinking about itself and me at the same time. I want to work with one that makes decisions that benefit us both and one which trusts me to take it into consideration as often as possible.
This means that I have to allow my horse to be an independent being with whom I work in equal partnership that works for both our benefits.
Sometimes the equation will skew in favor of one or the other.
For example, when it comes to galloping across country- I expect my horse to carry the bulk of the burden because it is his feet that are on the ground, but at the same time it is my brain that is doing the directing: 75Horse + 25Me = 100 US
But in a parking lot full of other horses and cars, I would want my horse to be mostly about me while at the same time I expect it to keep an eye on the environment (after all they have better hearing, eye sight, intuition etc.): 75Me + 25Horse = 100Us.
The important thing about thinking this way is that it reminds one to think about oneself AND the other person. It is a great way to check in with oneself to see what needs to change or stay the same in order to get to where you want to go.
The catch is though- that until all parties in the equation are in agreement as to what constitutes 100Us, it will always end up in a squabble of F(us) = Me > < You.
Where are you in your life today?
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